tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30881619966655899652024-02-01T18:52:37.907-08:00The Normal Girl's Guide To LifeClare Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13131147846762298295noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3088161996665589965.post-35925525137291538032018-09-27T01:03:00.000-07:002018-09-27T01:03:05.681-07:00Is Girl Power Dead?<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I was born in the 80's raised in the 90's and did all the stuff I was supposed to in the 00's.</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I'm part of the strong woman, girl power generation. The girls that looked after one another and supported each other's goals and dreams. Who stood by one another & had each other's backs. </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">So, today I'm asking this question.... when did it become ok to tear one another apart?? Or worse, support a fellow female in public but rip her to shreds in private or over social media?</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I'm wondering if it's in certain walks of life, or if it's just in business this happens, but I seem to be aware of it more & more recently. I read time and time again about women looking out for one another & us all having a #GirlSquad but then I only need to wait a short time before the bitching and the back biting starts. </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I recently attended an all woman networking event. Now, this in itself put me out of my comfort zone, but I've never felt more uncomfortable in any situation. The event was supposed to support women in business & for the most part it did, however the whole thing seemed massively forced and completely fake. I caught ladies bigging up the other business owners, then when their backs were turned, gossiping about them. There were personal comments and remarks about their private lives. God knows what they had to say about me. </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">It upsets me, because we've forght to have our voices heard, to be viewed as equals and yet when a woman becomes successful, it seems that instead of being able to congratulate her, certain women are trying to find fault. Pointing out her flaws won't make you more successful. When will they learn, they just sound bitter?</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">The upside to this, it that in my new blogging world, I've found some really lovely genuine women. Those that if it was possible, I'd love to have in my girl possey! I've had messages that wish me well, those offering advice and those that just want to share their stories with me. These wonderful women fill me with hope and set the example of the type of females we need. If only there were a few more.</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">In my real world industry, women have to fight seriously hard to get the recognition that they deserve; but what I find hard to deal with is that those women who have made it, instead of giving others a leg up, insist on making it just as hard if not harder for those coming up the ranks. I'm assuming their logik is that they had to fight for it, why should anyone else get it any easier? But I find this hard to stomach. Surly we should be offering advice and guidance to the newcomers? Showing them different paths and encouraging new ideas?</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Which is why, this week I employed my newest member of staff. Young & green in a sense, but excited & enthusiastic. She reminds me of myself 10 years ago. But I feel I need to protect her and give her the map of experience. </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I think the hardest thing to accept is the fakeness I've experienced. I stand by the saying if you've not got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. But maybe this needs to be updated to, if your nice thing isn't honest and true and if it doesn't reflect your true feelings, keep it shut too! </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I may be ranting a little here, but it's truly griped me.... what are your feelings on the subject ladies?? Am I blowing this all out of proportion or is true Girl Power dying? </span><br />
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Today's Quote: ' Fix another Queen's crown without telling the world it was crooked.'<br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Love CB xx</span>Clare Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13131147846762298295noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3088161996665589965.post-42872412189482047832018-09-09T00:49:00.003-07:002018-09-09T00:49:35.969-07:00Life Goes On<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I've been a little quiet on the blog lately, not for any other reason than my real world life has taken over a little.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">The blogging world still feels so new to me, and unfortunately it's had to take a little bit of a back seat while I juggle everything else.</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">But I thought I'd give you a little up date of what's been going on while I've done my disappearing act.....</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I've been so shocked at how quickly the time has gone. Summer is officially over. I remember writing about how nervous I was about spending the summer alone after my break up. But now, it's been and gone and it's happened so quickly. </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I've worked some mad hours over the summer & its really done me good. It's been a great distraction & its allowed me to evaluate the things I want from my real world career. I've also been offered some truly amazing opportunities, which if I was still with my ex, I'm not sure if I'd even have considered them. I was just so comfortable in my relationship with him, that I didn't ever want to be away from that bubble. But now, being single again, there's no reason not to snatch up these things. I'm excited about what's to come in my professional life, but unfortunately it does mean that I'll be a little inconsistent with the blog, but I hope you'll all still dip in & out with me.</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">So, while work is certainly keeping me on my toes, my personal life is enjoying the calm. I'm fine. It's funny isn't it how we all deal with our emotions. I had an unusual experience, which I will tell you about in a future post, but this almost helped me to heal. I woke up one morning afterwards and my heart didn't hurt like it had been doing. Don't get me wrong, I still have the odd blip, but I'm doing ok. </span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I've also been chatted up & asked out on dates. I'm considering my options lol. But it's been great for my low self esteem to know that there's people out there that find me attractive & that when I'm ready, I can date again.</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">So, my little update is basically to tell you all that I've not disappeared, I'm still here & love keeping up to date with you all over on social media & seeing your lives develop too. And I'm happy to announce, for those that have wondered, that I'm ok. Better than ok actually & I thank you for all the messages that I've received where you've been checking in. It means a lot.</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">This normal girl is doing good, and I'm ready to start the next chapter..... I hope you can join me.</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Today's Quote: 'Only look back to see how far you've come.'</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", "Segoe UI", Helvetica, Arial, "Lucida Grande", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Much love, CB xx</span>Clare Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13131147846762298295noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3088161996665589965.post-75372734120100112132018-08-21T23:53:00.000-07:002018-08-21T23:53:02.150-07:00Looking After You.... Lessons from a Normal Girl<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Before I start this post, I've just got to say, that in terms of self care, I'm certainly no expert. It's taken all of my thirty something years to even learn to like myself and take a little of the pressure off. I still like to think I'm superwoman and can cope, even when the world is saying to slow down. But over the last couple of years, I've managed to put a few things in place that just make dealing with life a little easier. These are the things that I find work for me, have a little read and they might just come in handy for you too.....<br />
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A few years ago, I hit rock bottom, something I'm not exactly proud to admit, but something I am proud that I managed to pull through from and I survived. I am also proud that this part of my life taught me some very valuable lessons and I learnt to put coping mechanisms in place that mean I never have to visit that dark place again.<br />
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A very brief run down; I was coming out of a very toxic relationship, having also lost a baby. I was running my business and was new to doing so and I felt that I had the weight of the whole world on my shoulders. I was trying to be everything to everyone, trying hard to be perfect in every aspect of life and basically not knowing my arse from my elbow.<br />
It took me a few months, but eventually one day, right in the middle of a meeting, I lost the plot. I got up, walked out and had someone cancel the rest of my day. I couldn't have told you in that moment what was wrong, but something deep inside me broke and I had absolutely no clue how to fix it, I just knew that if I didn't do something, I wouldn't be waking up the next day.<br />
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Dramatic huh?<br />
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Now, what I do have to tell you is that the process I went through to become myself, actually took nearly 3 years and to this day, I still have times when I haven't got a clue about anything at all. But I have learned that It's OK to be in this postilion and that things usually have a funny way of working themselves out.<br />
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So, here it is, my guide to looking after you, to self care or whatever the technical, fashionable term we're using for it is right now... basically I'm going with, how not to lose the plot in this bonkers world..... by me, a normal girl. These are the things I've learned.<br />
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<u>Talk to someone and be Honest</u><br />
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The day I lost my shit, was the day I decided to help myself. I phoned a doctor, well, I spoke to a receptionist, and explained surprisingly calmly, that I didn't exactly know what was wrong, but I possibly needed to see someone. Unfortunately, and perhaps it speaks volumes of how our NHS was at the time, the receptionist could only offer me an appointment three weeks later. I never actually took that appointment as it was practical help that I needed and I needed it now. So I took to google and found a therapist. I'm not actually sure that's the right term, maybe personal coach, maybe guardian angel. Either way, I found the courage from somewhere to call the number listed and the woman at the end of the phone, just listened, made me an appointment for 2 days time and told me we'd get everything sorted. And she did. She fixed what she could immediately, then worked through each one of my issues until I became self aware and realised the world wasn't out to get me.<br />
This is something I truly believed saved my life and something that even now, I go back to when times are tough. You need to be able to talk about whats in your head, even the things you know might sound completely bonkers to someone else, but to you they matter. I'm so fortunate to have great supportive friends, who I know I can trust with everything, but a few years ago, I didn't really know this. I was too busy trying to be miss perfect to believe that the people I loved would still love me if I messed up.... The lesson in this, is of course, if they love you, they will love your flaws too. So, until I'd learned that lesson, I took professional help and it's the best thing I could have done for ME and I'm what mattered.<br />
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<u>Listen to your body</u><br />
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A big thing for me is to exercise, it really does clear my head. I love to swim and I run, take zumba classes and pretty much put myself through all manner of things to ensure I release enough endorphins to keep me upbeat and functioning. Exercise also keeps my weight at bay and of course, if I'm feeling better in my skinny jeans, all will be right with the world. I'm not a gym enthusiast or a personal trainer, so I can't advise you on what's best to tone your upper arms or shape your bum into the Kardashian round shape that seems so popular right now. I can, however, say that moving and making your body active will release a lot of pressure for you and of course tire you out.<br />
This leads me to the next point of the body care bit, by telling you to sleep.<br />
I'm an actual cow if I'm tired. There's no getting round it, I need my sleep like I need my make up bag. It's essential to my health and well being. Lack of sleep makes us function less and makes decision making pretty much impossible. At my very worst I was surviving on as little as three hours broken sleep each night. I was horrible to be around and an awful person in general. Once in therapy I learned to calm myself enough and tire myself enough, that I gradually built more hours of real sleep into my night; I do however, still sleep with the TV on, as it's a good distraction from my over active brain.<br />
The next thing I'm going to tell you, basically dismisses the first thing, which is don't exercise. I know this sounds stupid after telling you all the benefits, but some days, you're just going to need to go home, put your pj's on and eat pizza. I had one of these days recently, and I knew that although I wasn't burning off the calories, I was doing what my body required of me. I didn't have enough energy that day and I needed to calm my emotional state. I took a bath, I read a book and I ordered take out food. I went to bed early and woke up, not quite a new woman, but one that was more in control than the one that had arrived home the previous evening. You've got to do what's right for you. Allow yourself the evening of comfort, but remember, the next day to get up and bounce back, because it is all too easy to become anti social and too comfortable in your own space.<br />
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<u>Escape</u><br />
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Now, I'm not saying hop on a plane to the first hot country you can think of, or maybe I am? If that's what's going to do you some good. Maybe escape was the wrong word for this part, but I'm too lazy to change it now. My escape is as simple as going back to my own house. Notice, I never call it home, as it's not right now. But I do need my own space, which is why I realised I couldn't live with my parents when my relationship with Mr Right went down the pan. You need a place to be yourself, a place you can sit in silence or listen to music. A happy place. If I need to be outside, I'll hit the nearest beach. That's a happy place for me. Or a good long walk somewhere green. I still need to book my holiday this year, an escape from the stresses of work and the pressure I still put on myself, but a simple bath without a disruption or phone to hand works wonders for my mental and physical health too.<br />
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<u>It's OK to say No... & Yes</u><br />
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Learning to say No was a huge lesson for me, as for a lot of my life I've felt obligated to do things and attend events that I knew I didn't want to or that I wouldn't enjoy. Sometimes, even doing family stuff can be overwhelming and you need to step away for a while. It's so difficult because we feel the need to explain ourselves and because we're all so PC and don't wish to upset anyone, we go along with things we don't want to. We feel like we should be giving excuses why we can't go to things, on that night out, or visit that person, when deep down, knowing yourself enough to Know it's not for you should be reason enough. I've given up explaining myself and I no longer give reasons for not doing things. If I can't do something I just say 'no thanks'. It really is that simple. Most people will be so surprised by the directness of the answer, they won't question why anyway!<br />
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Saying Yes, is sometimes actually harder than saying no, especially if what you're saying yes to is out of your comfort zone. I'm not contradicting myself here either, say no to the things you don't want to do, but Always say yes to the stuff you want to do, even if you've never done it before. Indoor skydiving-yes please! 25 shots-no thanks! I'm a firm believer in keeping yourself challenged in life too, I don't like to get too comfortable in my career, but in my private life I like a bit of calm.<br />
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Deciding what you want and what will make you happy, even for a short time, will be great for your personal care. It will help you to live the life you want, rather than the one you feel is expected of you and fundamentally, you'll be a lot happier day to day if you're looking forward to what's in your diary and not just dreading it.<br />
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<u>Realise when all of the above isn't enough.....</u><br />
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Sometimes we just need a bit more help. Now, the help I normally need is talking therapy and obviously, I write to clear my thoughts too. But for the last 8 months or so I haven't been feeling right. I put it down to stress at work and the extra hours I'd been doing; and the little matter of saving for the new house with the ex. I do now, looking back, wonder if my change in mental state contributed to my break up, but then I'll never know, so let's not dwell.<br />
So, months later, I'm now dealing with my break up, I'm so busy at work and it's getting busier, plus I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed each day at the moment. I can cry at the drop of a hat and I can't make a decision to save my life, so as much as I'm pained to admit it, I'm back struggling. Not as much as I was all those years ago, but enough to know I don't want it to get any worse. So, after trying to fix myself for the last few weeks, and realising that I could actually do with a bit of help, I've booked an appointment to see my GP. Yes, I have to wait and the likelihood is I'll end up medicated at the end of it; but it's OK. I cried booking the appointment, because somewhere deep down I felt like I'd failed at life, but I've resounded myself to the fact that I need something to help. Something extra to put me back on the right path and before I get to the stage where the bottom of that rock is visible again. I'm no longer ashamed about this and I no longer feel guilty that I'm not superwoman and I can't cope. I need the help and today I've been brave enough to ask for it. If you need it too, don't feel bad about it, or feel like you've failed. You're actually doing yourself a massive favour and its OK. Actually, it's better than OK, it's bloody marvellous, because you're being brave enough to put yourself first. If you broke your leg, you'd ask for help, well, my brain and my emotions are a bit broken right now, so I'm asking for someone to help me fix them and because I matter and my health and well being matters, that's OK.<br />
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Today's Quote: 'You can't pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first.'<br />
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Love CB xx<br />
<br />Clare Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13131147846762298295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3088161996665589965.post-60601820926002712212018-08-16T00:21:00.000-07:002018-08-16T00:21:17.150-07:00Metaphorical Packing <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This is supposed to be my moving forward post, the one I tell you how I'm forwarding thinking and planning my future without Mr Right. That's what Mrs Editor has said anyway, it's supposed to wrap it all up in a pretty bow and bring an end to my tales of heartbreak.<br />
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The thing is, I'm not sure how to do that. I'm not sure how to let it all go and admit that it's over for good, mainly, as I've said numerous times, I just don't want it to be. But whether I'm ready or not, it's got to be done right? He's not coming back, there's nothing new to say on the subject and frankly I must be boring everyone around me, not just myself.<br />
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So, here's the plan; I'm taking time to heal, I'm taking some time out to find myself again and, sorry to disappoint anyone looking forward to the dating stories, but that's all been put on hold for the time being too. I'm just not ready and as stupid and nonsensical as it sounds, I still feel guilty about it. Even the thought of talking to another man in that sense fills me with dread right now, so I know deep down it's just too soon. I guess I'll know when the right time is at some point.<br />
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So, the time has come to do some packing, of the metaphorical type. There's no real need for boxes and bubble wrap here. It's time to put away all the emotions I've got for Mr Right and bury them deep.<br />
When we were together, we kept a memory box, of ticket stubs, cinema tickets and leaflets or receipts of places we'd been. When I moved out I took the box with me as I couldn't bear the thought of him putting it all in the bin. I took a last look through it this morning, then as the tears settled, I put it in the loft. I'm not ready to bin it and I hope one day I'm able to come across it and smile at the memories of what we had. But for now, having it around just stops me healing, so, it's out of sight and hopefully eventually, out of mind too.<br />
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My mum has a great saying, for the things we're powerless to change, she'll always tell you to put it in the Bugger It Box. Basically for anything that we might be dwelling over, for the things that are bugging us, or upsetting us, but we have no ability to fix or make better. Stick it in the Bugger It Box and move on.<br />
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What's difficult about doing this is all the unanswered questions I've got, but I've slowly come to terms with the fact that I'll never find out what I'm hoping to. So, they can be wrapped in old newspaper and put in the box. Alongside them, are the photos I have on my phone. Now, I'm not ready to delete the ones of the 2 of us together, however, there will come a time for them. But right now, it's time to get rid of the photos of our dream house. We spent months tripping around every show home in the area and taking photos of everything we loved. Making plans for how we hoped our home together would look, the things we wanted, the photo's we wanted on the walls and what couches we were going to have. It's time to take a deep breath and hit delete on the album of pictures and wrap up those hopeful memories and place them in the box too. It's with great sadness, but it just wasn't meant to be.<br />
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Next to be deleted and packed up is the Lists. I don't know if everyone has these stored somewhere, or it was just us; but we made lists of all sorts, in the notes section of our phones.<br />
Places we needed to visit, or wanted to see, or simply of places to go for lunch when you're short of ideas. Not exactly a bucket list, but one that's helpful when you're being indecisive or just don't know where you want to eat or how to spend the next free day you have together.<br />
I actually think these lists would probably come in handy when I'm deciding what to do with my days off, but these are places we'd hoped to visit together. I always adored our trips away, Mr Right was a born teacher and I loved listening to him tell me stories of the places we'd seen and their history. He was passionate about things and it showed when he talked. But to see these places without him, just doesn't feel right. In time I'll make my own lists, but for now, ours are deleted and the plans are placed in that big box and put away.<br />
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The last two things I need to wrap up are the two largest and biggest. The Hurt and the Hope. Carrying around hurt, in the end, just makes you resentful and bitter. These are character traits I have no wish to have and I'm not intending to become the sort of person who can't be happy for others or is jealous of friends relationships as mine didn't work out. That's not me and that's not who I want to become. Mr Right has obviously caused me hurt, but if I continue to carry it around I'm the one prolonging it, so in a sense, I'm hurting myself aren't I? I love him so much, and with love comes the ability to forgive. I may not understand why he chose to throw it all away, but he's obviously going through something that has put him in that position. He doesn't want me around and doesn't want to speak to me. So I've got to let it go and forgive him. He's not really the sort of person that would intentionally hurt someone. I'd have never fallen for him if he was. So his actions are there to either protect himself or me from him. I don't really know and I'll never find out, but I'm not allowing it it hurt me any longer. I'll remember him as the kind soul with the warm heart that I knew. The person who made my tummy flip and caused me butterflies. The one that I fell in love with. The hurt can be put in the box to disintegrate over time.<br />
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But how do you get rid of Hope?<br />
Hope signifies everything you wish for, everything you plan for, everything you say a prayer for. The thing you cling to when you're having a bad day. I carry it deep inside because it holds everything I truly want right now. You all know I'd have him back in a heartbeat. Everyone knows, even he does I'm sure. But it's not going to happen. I'm learning to accept that. He's got to want to be with me and that's not where he is right now. So, the hope has to be buried, deep in the bottom of that box where it can't get out. It's the epitome of what belongs in the bugger it box, because it really is the thing I can't change even though I'd want to. I can't fix it, I can make it better. I just don't know how to let my hope die. Because I don't really want it too. That means I have to stop believing in Mr Right, I have to stop loving him and wishing for him and forget about him. It's time, I know I have to. But how? Putting hope into that box really does signify the end of us. The last dreams of reconciliation and our future that we planned. It's all got to go, how sad is that? I'm not sure I'm ready to stop believing in him, maybe that's what the healing process will do. Over time, I'll let my belief in him float away. We don't have a crystal ball that's going to tell us our future or a guide that's going to show us the way.<br />
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I'm OK packing up all the physical stuff and most of the emotional stuff too. Writing this today has actually helped and I do feel like I've made a massive step forward. Like I've cried my last tears over things that we'd hoped for and some of our memories. I know I've forgiven him too.<br />
But to box up my hope, just doesn't feel right like now. I think actually, it takes away part of who I am. I strive to be a good person and I always try to look for the best in people. This might make me a bit of a mug, but I'd sooner that, than be someone cold and calculating.<br />
I've come to the conclusion that holding on to a little hope shouldn't prevent me from moving forward or healing. I think actually that it makes me true to myself and stops me viewing the future with coldness and doubt. I never believed I'd meet someone like Mr Right but I Hoped that I would and I'm Hoping that in time I'm lucky enough to meet someone as incredible as him again. Hope isn't a bad thing as long as we all stay realistic. I don't have my head in the clouds. I know where we are and that I've got to work on me and heal myself. I'm packing up the thoughts of him and the wondering about what he's up to. But the hope, the hope I'm holding onto. Just for a little while longer. It allows me to trust that I'm making the right decisions, that I was right to believe in him. It stops me doubting myself. It's what makes me feel like me, it's a part of who I am and I'm not ready to say goodbye to that just yet.<br />
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Today's Quote: 'When the world says 'Give Up,' Hope whispers, 'Give it one more try.'<br />
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Love CB xx<br />
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<br />Clare Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13131147846762298295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3088161996665589965.post-85904651882383145722018-08-12T23:46:00.000-07:002018-08-12T23:46:00.319-07:00The aftermath<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "segoe ui" , "helvetica" , "arial" , "lucida grande" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">So now you know what happened with my break up, you might be wondering what all the fuss is about. It was hardly the break up of dramatic proportions was it. It wouldn't make a great story line in a soap. But the fact is, it happened and it matters to me. I think it was because of how quickly it all ended and how out of the blue it was. I was in shock for the first few weeks. I knew it was hurting but I couldn't understand it. I still don't really, without being able to read Mr Right's mind I don't think I'll ever really get the answers to the thousands of questions I've still got.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "segoe ui" , "helvetica" , "arial" , "lucida grande" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I want to thank you all for the lovely messages I've received since that last post. I certainly wasn't expecting so many people to get in touch. It's been so nice to hear that I'm not alone in my break up woes. I must admit, reading all your comments, as positive as they were left me with mixed emotions; I'm grateful that you all got in touch with positive comments and advice, but it also was a constant reminder of what was lost. Writing about it all and reading it back, then it being published for everyone to read left me rather emotional and feeling quite exposed and raw. I wasn't really sure writing about my relationship was the right thing to do, but it's what I'm going through and my way of processing it all. It's heart-warming that you were all so touched by my story. I've had a lot of encouragement from you lovely readers and some of you have even been pushing me to send the post as a letter to him. I'm not sure I've the strength for that. I can see him now, in his grey sweat pants, bare chested; sat in his Sherlock chair reading. But if my letters were sent to him, I don't think he'd read them. I don't think right now he cares. I'm sure it won't make anything change. Maybe I'll change my mind at some point, when I'm feeling stronger. But right now, that's not the place I'm at.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "segoe ui" , "helvetica" , "arial" , "lucida grande" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I don't think there's ever really going to be a right time to get back in touch with him. If I'm to take him at his word, he's happier right now and as much as that sucks to hear, I'm going to have to deal with it. A lot of those closest to me have said he's pushing me away for my own good, so he hurts me less now than he's worried about the possibility of doing in the future. My response to this is usually, how does he know he's going to hurt me in the future? They don't have the answers, but basically they feel he's scared of the 'what if's' and that he'll either come to his senses or die alone as he'll always be too scared of commitment. Nice hey?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "segoe ui" , "helvetica" , "arial" , "lucida grande" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> Of course I've thought about there being too much time, in the sense of the longer we leave it the harder it will be to repair or sort things. My mum keeps saying I need to leave him be, give him time to miss me. She still thinks he'll come back, she thinks the world of him; but even she must see that the longer this goes on the less likely that is to happen. I'm a fixer by nature, so the advice of 'do nothing' really goes against the grain. I want to fix things, to make it better, but I don't know how and let's be honest, it's unlikely it can be fixed anyway. You can't make someone love you, or want to be with you. Plus if I do keep hold of that sense of hope, it's preventing me moving on. But, how do you get rid of it when it's truly the one thing you wish for each day?</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "segoe ui" , "helvetica" , "arial" , "lucida grande" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I am worried about him. I could get in touch with his friends or family, but I don't wish to be viewed as the bonkers ex girlfriend. I guess if they ever read my blog, this could actually be their assumption anyway. I worry about him, how he's doing. If whatever was bothering him has gone away now that we're apart. If he's feeling better. If he misses me at all. But I'll never know the answers to this and like I've said, the fear of rejection is just too great right now to risk getting in touch again. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "segoe ui" , "helvetica" , "arial" , "lucida grande" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I do feel a little lighter now it's all written down. It was quite a cathartic experience. I still don't understand really why he ended it all. Maybe he did just decide he doesn't love me. It's easier sometimes to believe everyone else's notions of what he may or may not be going through, than to face the reality that the person you love the most in the world, just didn't feel the same way. We all hope for the fairy tale ending don't we. That our Prince Charming will rescue us from a life we don't want to be living. But it's time to face the reality that fairy tales don't exist and I've lost the person I love more than anything. It's time to face the facts, that he's getting on with his life and I'm going to have to do the same. Because this is real life and sometimes it's just shit. It was soul destroying seeing our relationship written like that; it made me realise how much we'd actually lost. I knew, of course I knew, but reading it all back, the realisation hit hard. Look what we've thrown away, through fear, through lack of conversation, through stupid doubts that should never have been there and should never have been allowed to grow when they did appear. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "segoe ui" , "helvetica" , "arial" , "lucida grande" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I think it's going to take me a long time to get over what happened. It's been 2 months now, and part of me thinks that's a long time. But for what we had maybe it isn't. It's like a death has happened and I'm grieving for it. For what we had, the love we shared. For all the memories we'd made but also for the plans and future we were looking forward to. I wish more than anything that we could start over, not living together or planning our lives and futures further than a few weeks ahead. But to be present in each others worlds again, to be around one another and just be together. He knows how I feel though, I'm sure of it. I know in my heart we could fix things, I'd follow his path for us and I'd move at his pace; but if i'm the only one of us that want's it to happen, I need to let my dreams die.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "segoe ui" , "helvetica" , "arial" , "lucida grande" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I think it may be time to let go of the hope I carry that he may walk through my door again. The more days that pass the less likely it is to happen and I need to stop the near hyperventilation when the door at work opens unexpectedly. The crashing disappointment when it isn't him isn't helping either. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "segoe ui" , "helvetica" , "arial" , "lucida grande" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I've never actually had a break up like this before. So I'm really unsure how I start to move forward. I don't cry every day now, just sometimes when there's a reminder of some sort. I'm able to focus better at work and I know that whatever I'm feeling, I've people around me that will do their best to put me back together again. In so many ways, I'm counting my blessings. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "segoe ui" , "helvetica" , "arial" , "lucida grande" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">If you do have any advice on healing the hole in my heart, I'd be eternally grateful. I'd like it to happen sooner rather than later now please, because I don't want to carry on feeling like I've lost an arm. I know times a great healer, but surly it should be feeling better than this by now? I'm angry in a lot of ways and probably looking for someone other than Mr Right to blame. I try really hard to be a good person, I look after those that need it and try and be kind at all times. I never took him for granted and tried so hard to ensure that he was happy. I don't know why my happiness had to be taken away and quite frankly, I feel like throwing a good old tantrum and screaming it's just not fair! </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "segoe ui" , "helvetica" , "arial" , "lucida grande" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Because, you know what, it's really not fair at all. Don't worry, I'm not going entirely down the self pity route. I will snap out of this, more than likely the instant I shut the laptop. but, like I've said, I'm all about the honesty and right now that's how I'm feeling. It will pass as will the feeling of being lost will gradually disappear too. I know it will..... I just wish it would hurry up. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "segoe ui" , "helvetica" , "arial" , "lucida grande" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I'm hoping tomorrow will bring an epiphany or some new focus for me. But for today, I'm riding out the emotions because I don't really know what else to do. Thank you all once again for your kindness, tomorrow's a new day!</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "segoe ui" , "helvetica" , "arial" , "lucida grande" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Love CB xx</span>Clare Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13131147846762298295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3088161996665589965.post-69678166606693168002018-08-08T23:01:00.000-07:002018-08-08T23:01:41.431-07:00Dear Mr Right, The Final Letter<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I'm so sorry for stopping my last post when I did. It wasn't my intention to leave it on a cliff hanger, but I don't think I prepared myself for how overwhelming I'd find writing about the break up. I had a bit of a melt down and a damn good cry. So, I took a step away from it for a few days and calmed myself down. I'm the sort of person to always finish what I start, so here's the rest of the story. I still don't really understand why it had to happen, but let's see if we can't get through explaining what went on, to see if some of it can finally make sense. It will probably be an epic read, but this is how it happened, these are my thoughts and feelings.... this is my final letter to Mr Right.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">love CB xx</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You'd been working so hard over the last few weeks and you'd already warned me that the week ahead was going to be stressful, so when I returned home late on the Monday night to you in a bit of a daze, I wasn't really surprised. You were really quiet, but still looked like yourself. To be honest, I was a little preoccupied as I had a busy week ahead too and the following day was a big one for me at work. So we were both up early the next day and although a little quiet again that morning, I didn't think too much about it. I did think about it when I got home that night and once again you were staring at the tv. I'd had the biggest day of my career and you never once asked about it. You were like a zombie, just staring into the distance. I remember asking you what the matter was, if you were OK, but you just said you were tired and that you needed a good night's sleep, so we went to bed. I don't really remember the Wednesday night, I'd been super stressed at work and just needed a cuddle and sleep. You were a little chattier but it was late. The following morning, you rushed out, barely having time to kiss me goodbye. I knew then that there was a problem. I saw my mum that evening and told her that I was a bit worried about you, so I resolved myself to having a chat with you when I arrived back. I wish I hadn't now, I wish I hadn't pushed, as a part of me died that night when you said that you were having doubts about us. You'd been on the phone to someone when I walked in, I'm still not sure who that was, but you jumped up. We should have talked longer that night, but the shock of it all frightened me. I called my mum and she said to go back to her house and I did. I'm so sorry for leaving that night, but I told you I'd return the following day. Obviously, you won't know what happened next in my world, and I have no idea what happened in yours. I did see you at the window as I drove away and all I could think of was that I wanted you to stop me leaving, but you didn't.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I arrived back at my parents' house, to both my mum and dad looking as shocked as I felt, we talked about what had happened and my mum, who still to this day has faith in you, said to give you time to think things through.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I returned to our home the following day and don't remember much about the conversation apart from asking you not to throw away what we had. We'd never argued, even the previous night, and I genuinely thought that we could get through whatever doubts you were having. But unfortunately, you didn't. I cried heavy and heartfelt as I packed a box of my things and you helped me put it into the car. We said our goodbyes and I honestly thought that was the last time I'd see you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I had a busy weekend ahead, it was the royal wedding which we were holding events at work for and there was also a big charity event on the Sunday that you should have been attending with me. The weekend passed in a bit of a blur. I didn't tell anyone what had happened, so fibbed when people asked where you were. I'd told them you'd gone back to your parents for family stuff. As I arrived back to my parents that night, I made the decision that I better tell my closest friends what had happened. I had found it so hard to keep a face in place that day and I wasn't comfortable lying to them; so I sent a brief text and cried again at the responses. Everyone was so shocked as nobody had seen it coming.... tell me about it! You did text me on the Sunday night, just as I'd sent my text out, hoping the event had gone well. I said it had and thanked you for remembering. I kept checking my phone for a reply right through the night, but none came. The next morning passed in a daze, but I needed to get to work and face the day. Which is what I did, and what I have been doing ever since.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">A text from you came that afternoon, but I had no idea how to reply, I needed to keep my head in place as I worked, so I swallowed it until I had chance to think. As I picked up my phone to reply, you walked through the door.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">At that moment a thousand thoughts ran through my head, what we're you here for, is it going to be OK? Had you changed your mind or had you come to finalise everything for us splitting up? Had you packed my things? I daren't hope, but when you asked me to talk, I knew that you were here for everything I'd hoped for. I could tell in your voice, the voice I so long to hear now, that you were nervous, but hopeful too. As we went into the kitchen at work I held my breathe and said a silent prayer. I felt like the princess being rescued by her prince when you started telling me how much you regretted everything and how sorry you were. There was no doubt in my mind to forgive you, we were taking a massive step together and everyone deserves a wobble and a second chance.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You sat with me whilst I finished work, we talked about the house and how much you still wanted to push on with all our plans. You told my colleague that I was the best thing that ever happened to you and that you couldn't risk losing me for good. I still, even know, feel that way about you. You're still the one for me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We went back to my parents' house and you apologised to them, this wasn't something I asked of you, but you did it anyway. I had so much respect for you right there and even though my heart was bursting, my tummy was filling with anxiety. I think it was just the amount of stress and emotions I'd been holding back, but also the realisation of how close I'd come to losing you. We drove home in our separate cars and when we arrived back at the apartment, you'd already ordered pizza. We talked some more that night, but you reassured me that this was everything you wanted and I believed you. I didn't really sleep well that night and I still couldn't shift the anxiety. I didn't know why and I explained this to you. You got a bit pushy about me going to swim it off but I really didn't feel like it. I just assumed that once we'd settled ourselves down again, it would disappear.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You helped that afternoon to collect the things from my parents house and as we carried everything up the stairs, you made me promise that the next time we moved those boxes, it would be into the house we were going to live in for the next 50 years. I made that promise without a doubt in my mind. You were everything I'd ever wanted. You were my hero, my Prince, my future but most importantly, my best friend.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We should have been going out that night, but you wanted to get the rest of the paper work sorted for the house. This was urgent but as we sat to sign the piece of paper that would secure our dream home I checked that you were 100% sure, you said you were, and asked if I was too. Of course I felt I was, but then you asked me another question, What would I do if you said you wasn't sure. I thought you were joking, so my flippant reply was, 'there's always a room at my mum's,'....... I know now, having learned a few things since we split, that that was probably the worse thing I could have said. I didn't mean it as I said it, I was trying to make light of the situation, but I think deep down you took it to heart. You were a bit quiet again that night and fell asleep on the couch. But really, that was the real beginning of the end for us.....</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The following morning, you got up for work and I set off shortly afterwards. It started as a typical day, but after texting you in the afternoon and not receiving a reply I knew I wasn't going home to a happy end to the day.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You were in bed when I got home. You'd not really looked after yourself the weekend we'd been apart, so it had taken it's toll. I'm not really sure what happened really. You told me you'd been having doubts about the house and during that day, so had I, so I told you, we could put the plans for the house on hold. That was fine, but then things started to escalate and suddenly there was no turning back. The doubts you were having were getting bigger and I felt powerless to stop them growing. I called my mum, she said not to do anything drastic. You went and called your parents. although, I know you never spoke to them even though you told me you had. I spoke to your mum the following day. I knew though that when you came back in, you'd decided. I'd already packed a bag as my gut was saying it was done. If only I'd have stayed and fought.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I didn't know it at the time how much it had hurt you that your ex had walked out on you. I know you'd split up before, but you'd just bought your house together and were very much in a similar situation as we were. But for whatever reason, she walked away. I don't think it helped us that we needed to be in contact with her while sorting our mortgage, a constant reminder of the things that have gone wrong in the past. I just wish you could see that I'm not her and that I do love you so much. I'd have never left permanently, not really. But I think you saw me leaving that night as a reflection that I was the same as her and that I was going to hurt you eventually in the same way. I'd already showed you I was capable. But, I didn't think I was leaving You. I was leaving a situation that I didn't know how to handle. Please understand, the person I love more than anything in this world was telling me he had doubts about our future. There was obviously a lot going on in your head at the time, but I'll never forgive myself for not fighting for you that night, for not trying to show you what you mean to me. You probably thought, that if I could leave so easily yet again, that you'd made the right decision. But I need you to know that it wasn't easy. I know that night was the first time I'd shouted at you. You'd helped me put my things in the car, but then you just stood there. I needed you in that moment to stop this. To realise what a mistake we were making, but you just stared at me. So I shouted. I shouted at you and I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I let you down that night and proved any fears you had correct, but I didn't mean too. Please understand just how scared I was in those moments. I was about to lose you and if it was going to happen I wanted it over quickly. I honestly thought when things had calmed down, that we'd be able to sort things.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I've told you in a text message how much I regret what happened. I don't think you can express in a text those sorts of feelings. It doesn't seem enough. I wish I knew how you really feel about it. I've seen you just once since this happened and I was almost relived to see that you looked how I felt. You were tired and drawn. You watched me drive away again that night, I saw you watching. I just wonder what you were thinking. Were you happy that I'd left? Did you know that it would be the final time you'd see me? Did it hurt you as much as it hurt me?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'd like to believe that your actions are those of someone wishing to protect themselves. You've stopped all contact now. Sent some really harsh messages and told me you don't want to see me. Those closest to me are saying it's because you're hurting and I need to give you time to miss me, but as much as that's a nice thought, I daren't think about it. I almost need to think about you being horrid to me as it allows me to miss you a little less. If I could turn the clock back, there's so much about those last few weeks we had together that I'd change. I'd make sure that you knew without a shadow of a doubt how much you meant to me. I wouldn't be so tired all the time and I'd ensure you knew that I wasn't taking you for granted. I'd fight for you with every ounce of my being.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It's normal to have doubts when you're taking the steps that we were. Getting a house together was massive and I understand that it was bigger for you because it had already gone wrong once before. We'd talked about marriage and children too, which again, is scary stuff. But these things didn't have to happen straight away, or at all. I need you to know that I wasn't with you because of what you could give me. Material things don't matter. I was with you because I was in love with you, you the person. You who could talk to anyone about anything and you did. You who made me belly laugh and you, who had the kindest eyes and kindest heart you could ever hope to find in a person. It was you I wanted, nothing more.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Over the time we were together, you weren't only my boyfriend, or partner. You weren't just the person I lived with or the person I woke up to each morning. The person I had sex with and fell asleep with each night. You weren't just the person I called when something happened during my day or just the person who cooked me dinner each evening. You were all of those things to me. Each and every one. You became my best friend. The person who meant the most to me. It's hard letting that go. It's hard to think that you might be doing that with someone else one day. Its even harder to think that we'll never get the chance to do all those things together again. I miss you, so much it hurts. And I still don't really understand how it came to this. It feels so wrong, like we've thrown it away.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We never had a row or a fight. Maybe we should have done but we'd already said it was such a waste of time. The closest we've come is the last text messages we sent. I'm still feeling bad about my final message, but I do stand by it. The guilt is that it may have hurt you, not that it wasn't true. I told you I don't recognise you right now. You're not the person I fell in love with. He was warm and kind and you're someone cold that's taken over his body. I told you I thought you'd lost your integrity and true self. Maybe the integrity bit was true, but what's been lost is my Mr Right. The one I fell for. The person you were when you were with me. The most sweetest, selfless, caring man. You're funny and chatty and home. You are my home. My friend, my lover, my future. Losing you means I've lost everything I'd hoped for us. And I'm sorry I never showed you in those final days just how much that meant to me. I've lost my Mr Right and I'm going to have to learn to grieve for that person because he's not coming back. You don't exist any longer. And that's heart breaking. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I've said before how sorry I am about walking away, I know I'm just repeating myself now. But I was so shocked about everything that my instinct was to flee. But I should have cared more. I should have put you first. I was so scared I wasn't thinking straight. My brother thinks I should never have moved out. That weekend you were away, I packed up my things and emptied our home of any trace of me. I can say that with every box filled and item moved I felt a stabbing pain in my gut. A constant reminder that what we were doing was wrong, that it shouldn't be happening, but I didn't know what the right thing to do was. We didn't really talk about it and I honestly felt that I was hurting you by just being there.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'll regret forever not showing you that the doubts you had were unfounded. I want to be there to support you through whatever it is you're going through. I'm still here and I'll be here for you. If only I could show just how much I need you and how much I know you need me. We can be that team again. but more than anything right now I'm scared of pressuring you and making you feel overwhelmed. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Maybe that was how you were feeling, overwhelmed, and it was just easier to end everything than try and work through it. I just don't know and without talking to you I'll never know how to fix things. But the fear of making things worse stops me each time I try to text and every time I pick up the phone. You have no idea how much I miss hearing your voice. But this is the way you want it to be and right now I'm to frightened to try and change it.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There's that saying about if you love something you must let it go. So I'm really trying. You've told me to move on, I'm not sure it's that easy, but I will let you go. In the true hope that when you've dealt with whatever it is that's causing you all the heartache and confusion you may come back. This doesn't mean that I'm putting my life on hold, or that I won't be moving forward, but right now I'm taking time to heal, to try to learn to live without you. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It's pretty tough to hear that someone's life is better without you in it. I mean, that's quite a hurtful thing to say, let alone hear. And that's basically what you said to me in your last text, that you're happy and nothing I can say will change your mind. It was like being stabbed through the heart. It did give me a fuck you stance too, but that didn't really last. That's why it's so hard too, because that's not something You would ever normally say. It's not in your nature to be so harsh. Even if you lost your rag, you're always the one to feel guilty about it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white;">I still wonder what you're up to most days. How you're filling the time we'd have spent together. I hate to think of you on your own, but maybe that's what you need right now. I'm sure you'll have planned a few getaways during the holidays, basically picking up the life you had before we met. I just wish it was us going away and making memories together. It makes me cross too, as I'm still here picking up the pieces of our relationship and you're very much further on than me. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You're my first thought in a morning. You're where my mind goes in those moments of calm during each day. I think about you as I'm going to sleep and you haunt my dreams like a lost soul. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If by any chance you have read this, I just want to say yet again that I'm sorry. For leaving, for not supporting you and fundamentally not being there that first night you explained your doubts. Maybe if I'd have stayed, we wouldn't be where we are now. If I could change things I would. In a heartbeat. And if you have any feelings left for me, please don't be afraid to get in touch. I'm too scared to contact you now. I don't think my heart could cope with the rejection. I'm still finding it hard to understand how it came to this. We were just so happy and even though nobody has a perfect relationship, ours came close. Maybe your feelings hadn't been as strong as mine and you are relieved its all over. Maybe you feel it's best that you're on your own for now. Maybe you've already met someone new and you're starting over with them; that's the one that hurts the most. Maybe what we had really was as great as I think and maybe, just maybe, it's worth another shot, one last push to see if we can sort ourselves out, because don't we deserve that? Maybe start again from the beginning, write a different ending?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> I know it's a long shot and I know that you told me to move on. But it's not that easy when it's not what you truly want. I still love you, I'm still in love with you. I don't really know what else to say. That's my truth....... I don't think it will be enough, but I'm hopeful.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Forever in my heart.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">CB xx</span></div>
<br />Clare Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13131147846762298295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3088161996665589965.post-74184284925507332472018-08-05T23:27:00.000-07:002018-08-05T23:27:02.106-07:00Dear Mr Right<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The post I never thought I'd write.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">That's because I never thought I'd end up in this position. Single again and nursing a hurting heart.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">After my last post it suddenly occurred to me just how much love I do have for my ex, Mr Right. It doesn't seem to matter how much I try to bury it or convince myself that I'm fine, it's there in the background each and every day. How much I wish he were here, how much I wish we were getting to spend that day together or that evening. How much I just want to hear his voice or give him a cuddle.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I've thought about writing a post about the break up before, it's only fair that I give you a true account of what happened so that you can possibly understand my actions going forward. If you understand his actions, please let me know, as I'm still so confused. Maybe that's why it's so hard to write about it, as I don't really understand it myself. I was hopeful that given a bit of time I'd be more ready to talk about it, but honestly, I'm not sure that will ever really be the case. It's now or never.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So, I've decided it's best to write him a letter. Not that I plan to send it and it's unlikely he'll ever find or read this blog; but like the short letters in my Dear Heart post, maybe it will help to make sense of everything and give me the closure I so desperately need. There will be tears, mine of course, but here it goes.......</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">CB xx</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Dear Mr Right,</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Where do I start with you?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have this notion, that we had it so good, you'll come to your senses and we can make another go of it. You braved it out once before, I still carry faith you can do it again. But then of course reality hits. The likelihood of us getting back together is non existent, you won't even talk to me, let alone see me. I just don't know what I did wrong.....</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I remember our first date so vividly. You wore a bright red cap because you'd had a hair cut you weren't happy with and still wanted to make a good impression. It was a baking hot day and we went for ice cream. You talked so much your ice cream melted so it dripped onto your trainers. I got sand in my sandals so they rubbed a great blister on my toe. But we laughed. A date that I thought might last an hour or so, we were still chatting and giggling four hours later. You held my hand on the way back to the car and it just felt right, you kissed me goodbye and I didn't want to leave. All the stuff you'd ever hope for of a first date, the stuff fairy tales are made of.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Things moved pretty quickly from then on. We had our second date just two days later and our third two days after that. We didn't really want to be apart from one another and we did what we could to see each other constantly. We had lots in common but also enough differences that made conversations interesting and the laughter flowed easily. I had a need to be around you and I think that showed. If I'd have written a list of everything I'd ever wanted in a partner, you'd have ticked every box. Humour, kindness, generosity, thoughtful, and of course handsome to boot. What more could a girl wish for?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The day I realised you were the one, was the day you left to go on holiday. We'd been dating for about a month and you were off on your summer boys trip. I've never hated an idea more. I've no reason for it other than I'd miss you, but I just didn't want you to go. I was so relieved when you felt the same. I had to go to work that day, but you came with me to spend as much time together as we could. You even drove all the way back to my place when I finished, just so we could spend an extra hour together before you had to leave. Young Love, New Love. We'd not used that word yet but I knew it.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We were apart ten days and with flight delays, a puncture on your car and what seemed like everything going against us, I was worried we wouldn't be reunited. Of course, that was me being dramatic. I'd been counting down the hours. And when you walked through my front door that night I've never honestly been so happy. I don't have the words to express that amount of emotion. You were home and all was right with the world.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Home.... that's what you became for me. I did explain this to you when we were splitting up. A home to me isn't a house, or an apartment. A home is what makes you complete, makes you feel safe. A haven from everything that's going on in the world. You became that to me. You're my home, not walls and furniture. But two arms and a heartbeat.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You managed to change me as a person, but not in a bad way. You mellowed me, made me see that it really doesn't matter if things go wrong, because everything can be fixed. Just not our relationship it seems. I was calm for the first time in years. I was happy to take time off work and enjoy being away. I allowed us to make plans, something I'd never done before, because I was always too scared of them going wrong or getting hurt. But getting hurt never seemed to be an option with you. You held me tight, you allowed me to explain my fears and you put them all to rest. Not just by reassurance, but by your actions. You proved to me you were the one and that I was right to trust you, right to believe in you and right to allow myself to plan our future together. And that's what we did.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">That first summer was incredible. We went to new places, making memories all the time. Then one night you told me you loved me. It wasn't an extraordinary day but by doing that, you made it so. You'd been at my house while I was working and it was always a better day knowing you'd be there when I got home. You didn't tell me out right straight away, you'd written it along with my nickname on a mini chalk board I kept in the kitchen. I've still got it, tucked away in the memory box. I spotted it and my heart nearly burst. That's how I felt, but I'd been too scared to tell you. Memories like that are so vivid to me and now they hurt so much as everything has disappeared. But in that moment you truly made me the happiest I'd ever been. I never knew I'd been waiting for someone. But you were it, you completed me and made me whole.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It wasn't long before we started making serious plans. Living together was the top one. We decided to start saving and then we could look for a house together. Then one day we went off to have a look at some houses. This was done on impulse, like so many things with us are. Before the day was out, we'd pretty much decided where we were living and the sort of house we wanted. It didn't take very long, maybe a week for these plans to start to take some real action as we decided to move in together to save some extra cash. We were practically living together anyway, it made sense. So, that's what we did. Less than a month later, I'd packed up my life, thrown masses of it away and moved in with you to start our happily ever after.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Marriage was discussed, as was children. It wasn't long ago, we even practically set a date. You made me look in jewellers windows and pick out the rings I liked. We planned how we wanted the house, we planned how we wanted life to go. We discussed our dreams for ourselves, the things we wanted to achieve and the things we hoped for our future together. You're the first person I've met that didn't mind my working hours. You believed in me and were proud of me. Of course, I think, well I hope you knew, that you'd always come first. From the moment we started making our plans, you were my main priority. You were the thing in my life that mattered most. I wanted you to be happy, I'd do anything to give you that happiness, because it mattered. You mattered to me, before anything or anyone else. I hope you know that. Never once did I ever think this would fall apart.</span></span><br />
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In fact nobody thought it would.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Last Christmas was magical. We spent time with our families and friends. Sharing our love with everyone. We were happy. Christmas can be a tough time for me sometimes. Surrounded by people, but still feeling the loneliness; but</span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "segoe ui" , "helvetica" , "arial" , "lucida grande" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">by having that one person who was solely yours and you were there just for them. That meant I wasn't lonely anymore. We took 2 trips to Edinburgh that year, because we both booked the same trip as gifts for each other. It was great to spend so much time just the two of us and making memories that will last forever. They hurt right now, but I'm hoping in time I'll be able to look back with fondness. We spent new year together with my family, but as midnight hit, I knew that we were heading for a fantastic year. One that would grant us everything that we'd hoped for. There was so much excitement and things to look forward to, we had it all and I was so just so happy.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">After Christmas, the work really began, as we really started saving. I'm not sure if this is where the pressure hit, but I remember saying to my friend around March that I felt like I was spinning plates and I was waiting for at least one to come crashing down. Not once did I ever think that the plate that was destined to crash to the floor would be the one holding our relationship. We were a team, I thought we could survive anything. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">We'd both been working hard, I'd taken on extra hours, to ensure we had the money for the deposit; you'd been getting stressed with sorting the paperwork and everything else that comes with organising a mortgage. But I had no doubts that we were doing the right thing. It was tough and it was stressful, but we were doing it together and it felt right. Just not to you.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">I'm not sure when your doubts truly began, you said it was only a few days, but after thinking it through, I think deep down it must have been longer. Nobody can throw away what we had, if you haven't taken time to process it all. You'd been snappy with me at the weekend but on Sunday I came home to dinner and an apology. We'd both been tired, so of course it didn't matter. I went to bed that night feeling like all was right with the world. Not knowing that in just a few days, you'd be blowing my world apart.........</span></span><br />
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<br />Clare Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13131147846762298295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3088161996665589965.post-72685176181140327422018-08-01T23:51:00.000-07:002018-08-01T23:51:46.262-07:00Dear HEART<br />
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A short letter to the Loves of my life as I prepare to move forward.... It's time to let go and say goodbye before I hopefully say Hello to Mr Forever</div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Dear Mr Teenage Love</span></b><br />
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We met at school, while hormones we're high and we really knew nothing about love. We managed to survive teenage heartbreak until we were old enough to get through it and we were best friends. I'm blessed that we still are. We experienced every first together and I'm happy that even the hardest of firsts came from you. You supported my dreams even back then, became my protector, made me laugh and taught me some tough lessons. When I look back at our days together, it's with a fondness and a sideways smile that only you can bring to my face.<br />
There's still a place in my heart that wonders 'what if' with us. If you hadn't moved abroad would we have made it? If I hadn't been seeing someone when you returned, would we have got back together? When we met up once more in the dating capacity, it was just like old times. But then you found out the girl you'd briefly been seeing was pregnant and fatherhood beckoned.<br />
It was the right thing that we never continued seeing one another. I'm left with some happy memories of teenage love and glorious starts. You're an incredible father and I'm super proud of the man you've become. You'll hold a piece of my heart forever. Thank you for being my first love.<br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Dear Mr Older Guy</span></b><br />
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When we met, I was in complete awe of you. The older guy who seemed to have been there and done it all. Full of life experience and knowledge. What I know now is that you had no idea what was going on, just like the rest of us, but back then I hung on your every word like it was golden. I was obsessed with you and I'm sure that suited you just fine. This young girl that was happy to follow you around. You pursued me first, but I was so flattered that this man, a real man, was interested in me. My dreams of a career didn't suit you though and when the opportunities started rolling in, you weren't happy about being left behind. It took me a while to break free. I worried I'd never meet someone like you again, and thankfully I never did. I went off and made my goals a reality while you grew older and became, well, I've no idea actually. I remember seeing you only a year or two ago, when I returned home for Christmas. I saw you across a bar, I'm pretty sure you never saw me. I don't resemble that young girl anymore, so it's unlikely you'd have recognised me. You had the same eyes, but were slightly balding and less attractive. Right in that moment, I gave thanks that I had the confidence to ignore you when you diminished what I'd hoped to achieve; because here I was living it and reaping the benefits and you were living the same old life.<br />
Thank you showing me your true colours, which in turn taught me to stand up for myself and to pursue the life I wanted. I'm pretty sure that if I'd have listened and stayed, my list of regrets would be longer than ever.<br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Dear Mr Manipulative</span></b><br />
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You're the man that destroyed me. The one who broke my heart into a thousand pieces and then came back time and time again, to set the pieces on fire until there was nothing left. We started out having the time of our lives and we had it all. Well, I did, you seemed to take it all and I allowed you to do so. I was so blind to see what you were doing and how much you managed to change me, in ways that took years of therapy to help me return. I've no doubt in my mind that I was in love with you, but as I sit here today, I'm more than positive that you didn't love me. Sure, you said you did, but those that love you would never treat you so badly. You cheated so many times, and me being the huge mug that I am, took you back. Even when we were living together, things were never right. You were still cheating and still controlling my every move. I just couldn't see it. I'm not sure at the time I wanted to see it. I was in a bubble and thought we were happy. It took me a long time to realise what true happiness is; and this lesson didn't come from you. You created mental torture, a doubtful mind and you stripped my soul of the person I wanted to be. You walked out on me so many times. Then I found out I was pregnant and you did nothing but tell me to get to the clinic. I lost your baby, our baby, my baby, but I'm grateful I never had to bring a child into that world. What we had was hell and I finally realised it one night sat opposite you, having dinner in our favourite restaurant. I vividly remember listening to you as you complained about your job, and your bosses not seeing your true potential. I sat there and it was like an epiphany happened. I realised that not only did I not love you, but I didn't even really like you. I still remember the shock on your face as I got up from the table and told you that I was leaving and that it was best you didn't contact me again. I left you there, to pay the bill, to find your own way home and to start a new life for myself without you in it.<br />
So now, years later, I'm happy this whole torturous time happened. It made me strong, I realised what sort of person I need in my life and the person I want to be. I don't hate you anymore, in fact writing this has been the first time I've even given you a thought in years. There's no feeling left anymore, you're a stranger to me. And that's how I fully intend to keep it.<br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Dear Mr Not Over His Ex</span></b><br />
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I met you in a little pub as I waited for my friend to arrive for lunch. My need to be early and her compulsion for lateness worked in my favour, as you were sat there, in the corner, typing away on your laptop. I'd actually spotted you as soon as I walked in. Your brow was creased with concentration and it hit me just how attractive you were. As I stood at the bar, I willed you to look up, but as the minutes passed, you never did. So, I sat down on a stool and waited for my tardy friend. As I'm texting her, giving her a big ticking off for her lateness, I jumped as you spoke to me. Offering to buy me a drink as I waited. Your voice sent shivers down my spine and I'd never met a man who smelt quite as good as you. I flirted, really flirted and we really hit it off. In fact, I was truly gutted my friend arrived when she did. We exchanged numbers and within 24 hours, were on our first date. From there it was date 2, 3, 4 until we'd been dating for months. We laughed, we went on adventures and visited some truly amazing places. You taught me the importance of following your own path, trusting your gut but also slowing down to enjoy it all too. You showed me it was OK to step away from work, that it wasn't going to come crashing down, just because I had a day off. Valuable lessons for a workaholic. You took an interest in my goals whilst following your own. It ended because you realised how much you still loved your ex. It hurt, but to be honest, not as much as I thought it would. I took that as a sign that it wasn't meant to be. I'm glad we got to have the time together that we did. You helped to heal my heart a little and showed me what fun relationships could still be. You and your ex are back together now and expecting a little one. We've managed to create a friendship out of what we had. I'm grateful you're still a part of my life and I value your continued advice, care and support. I can't wait to meet your new arrival too<br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Dear Mr Right</span></b><br />
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I Still Love You ......<br />
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All my love<br />
CB xx<br />
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<br />Clare Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13131147846762298295noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3088161996665589965.post-30354934768070538682018-07-29T23:57:00.000-07:002018-07-30T00:00:31.225-07:00I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends....<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "segoe ui" , "helvetica" , "arial" , "lucida grande" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></span></span>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: white;">It's a cheese fest of a song and a massive cliche, but it's these things because it's true. Friendship is an important part of every person's life because we need people around us that we can rely on. Whether this be someone we can go out drinking with, someone we can spill our secrets with or someone we're happy to sit in our pj's with whilst we gorge on pizza and binge watch the latest box set. Our friendships should be celebrated and International Friendship Day is of course the perfect time! As a collective, myself and some of y lovely fellow bloggers were asked about our friendships, the things that make them important and what they mean to us, here's what I had to say.....</span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">What does friendship mean to you and how important is friendship to your personal happiness?</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: white;">Friendship to me goes a lot deeper than the normal hanging out or joint common interests. The friendships I've built over the years are closer to a family unit than just being a friend. I can go weeks sometimes without seeing my best friends but when we do finally catch up, nothing has ever changed. We understand that life gets busy sometimes but we never judge one another. When I was going through my recent break up, my best girl friend dropped her entire life to help me move out of my apartment. I couldn't have got through the day without her and she knew exactly what to do to ensure I stayed strong. Then when the moving task was over, she let me fall apart and cry; then she knew how to put me back together again. When she was made redundant from her job, I did the exact same for her and got her back on her feet and ready to fight a new day. </span><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">These are things you'd do without any repayment, because it's not necessary. Friends understand you, know what's important to you. I need my friends as much as I need my family. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">My friendship circle is quite small but varied. A mix of people of all ages, married, single, male and female. Most are older than me and with that they bring a wealth of knowledge and help me to negotiate through life. The few girlfriends I have of my own age are all going through the same trials and tribulations as me; and it helps to remind me that I'm not on my own in all this. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: white;">My friends are my backbone, the people I call with good news and bad. Who I want to share my life wins with. </span><span style="background-color: white;">They make me complete and I'm grateful each day for what they bring to my life.</span></span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">What is your favourite social activity to do with your friends?</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">Making plans with friends is so important. The older we all get though, the less important it seems to plan the wild night's out and the epic adventures. I think we're all now happiest sat around the dinner table with good food, plenty to drink and conversation as varied as the next prime minister to what the best ice cream flavour is. We sort each others problems, talk about work, relationship dilemmas, family ties and everything in between. I think more than the activity, it's just being present in each other lives and reminding each other that we matter and whatever is going on, we care. </span></span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">What are the 3 top qualities you want in a friend?</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Honesty, compassion and laughter.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">A friend to me is someone who you can be completely yourself around. Someone who won't judge you when you make a mistake and who can laugh with you over the small things and the big things.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I know my friends are true, as I'm not afraid to tell them when I've done something wrong. There are times in life, you end up doing things that you're not entirely proud of. If you can then tell someone about this and they don't judge you for it, but advise you about how to deal with the consequences, you know that you've got a real friend. Along the same lines, if you can ask the question, 'Does my bum look big in this?' and you not only get an honest answer, but a better option on said outfit, right there is someone you need in your life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I can talk to my friends about anything, and I know that the advice I receive will be true and what they feel is best for me. They know me better than I know myself and can second guess my actions quicker than I can. They know when I'm stressed, they know how to support me and they know that after it all, we can sit and laugh about it.</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Do you have a message for one (or all) of your friends?</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">There's probably a thousand things I should say to each and everyone of my friends, but I think the most simplest answer to this is Thank You. Thank you for being there, thank you for putting up with me and my ever present dramas. Thank you for everything you do and for everything you are. You've no idea what you mean to me and how you keep my world turning. Forever indebted and forever grateful for the love you bring.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">About me:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Clare Barnes, writer of The Normal Girl's Guide To Life</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">www.thenormalgirlsquidetolife.blogspot.com</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">'A place for day to day musings, trials, tribulations and triumphs as we try to negotiate our way through the bonkers world that is modern day life.'</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br style="background-color: white;" />Instagram/clarebarnes89</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Twitter@NormalGuide</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Facebook/clarebarnes89</span>Clare Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13131147846762298295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3088161996665589965.post-5173787413679849302018-07-26T00:13:00.000-07:002018-07-26T00:13:57.949-07:00How Do You Date?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">So, here's a question.... How do you date? </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">It seems like a really dumb question from a woman in her early 30's, but it's something that has me stumped. I've been single a couple of months now and as much as I'm not entirely over my last relationship I know it's something I'm going to have to do. Nobody wants to be on their own permanently do they?</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">Most of my friends are coupled up, married and have children. I've never got that far with anyone until my ex. (We're not talking about him today)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">So, my last few single friends aren't leaving things up to chance meetings anymore, it's all about the online thing. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">I think there's still a stigma attached to online dating. Something that seems a little sad or desperate. But in a world where everyone works a million hours a week and is still trying to achieve the perfect body, friendships and lifestyle, when does anyone have time to meet someone the normal way anymore?? </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">I did go on a date a few weeks ago. Set up by a friend of mine. The guy was a sweetheart but I had one drink, made my excuses and left.... only to cry all the way home. Far too soon after said break up. But now I'm seriously considering trying to 'Get Back Out There' as my friends so lovingly put it.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">I am missing the attention early dating brings, the cute, unexpected texts and basically feeling like someone likes or fancies me. The break up has really dented my confidence in myself and my self esteem is pretty low too. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">Now, I'm not daft here, I know that throwing myself into something full on is not the right thing to do; it won't heal my heart or the hurt from what's been happening. But, surly it will be a fun distraction and a little male attention can't hurt can it?</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12.8px;">But how do I go about it? I'm one of those people who's unlikely to approach someone in a bar or supermarket. I rarely go anywhere it's appropriate to flirt with the opposite sex and to be fair, my resting bitch face is strong, so I don't think it's likely that I'll be approached either. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12.8px;">So, does that really just leave the online dating apps that said friends have been raving about? </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">I tried online dating a long time ago and didn't last that long. I got put off with the vulgar messages and the dull one-liners. I lasted about a week before I deleted my profile and carried on waiting for Mr Right to appear all by himself. Apparently though, I'd been doing things wrong. There's a block button.... who knew? Your profile needs to include things you're looking for and what you're not and the photos need to be just right! It seems a bit complicated to me, but I am seriously considering taking the plunge once more if only to see what's out there. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">I am a little nervous about all this. There's a little bit of guilt I carry that it still feels like I'm cheating on my ex; even though there's not a chance we'll be reuniting. And like I've already said, my confidence isn't what it was. What if I don't get any 'hits'.... is that even the right word? Or what if the only people that take an interest resemble a potato? I'm not sure that's going to do my self esteem many favours either. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">My friend, who has now appointed Herself as my online dating fairy godmother, has of course dismissed all these fears with a wave of her wand and her serious WTF face. She has reliably informed me that Of Course people will be interested plus talking online means you can get a feel for someone before meeting them for the first time. It's a little like blogging, the anonymity of being behind a keyboard gives you more courage to talk or ask about the things you want to know without the fear of judgement. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">So, the question remains girls, do I take the plunge and dip my toe into the murky waters of online love? Or do I leave it all up to chance? Any advice you want to throw my way is of course welcome. Give me your tips about profiles, the best sites or if you think I should steer well clear!</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">I'll keep you all posted of any developments.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">Love CB x</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">Today's Quote: 'If you don't try, you'll never know.'</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12.8px;"><br /></span></span>Clare Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13131147846762298295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3088161996665589965.post-34159548794120904312018-07-23T01:25:00.000-07:002018-07-23T01:28:42.821-07:00Who lives in a house like this?<br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Well, the short answer to that question, is I do.....</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Not that you'd know it. The house I'm living in right now is a rented place my friend sorted for me as I had to move from the apartment I shared with the ex; and after a few weeks of living with my parents, I realised it was one hell of a step backwards.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">I need my own space. A place to be me, a place to write, to watch TV, to sleep and when I first moved in, I needed a place to cry without the fear of being overheard. I'm much stronger most days now, so the tears are fewer, but you get my drift don't you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">This week I'm having a house warming party to try and start to feel at home or at least more settled here. It's quite a bland house, the wall are magnolia and I've very little furniture or personal belongings to make it feel my own. I still don't know where everything is, which was mighty evident when I couldn't fine the light switch, so ended up tripping over the mass of not needed, but very much wanted shopping bags I'd left in the hall, and was left in a heap on the floor. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">I'm not entirely sure why I decided a house warming party was a good idea. I don't particularly like people being in my personal space and I certainly don't like feeling crowded. There's also no polite way of telling people to leave either, when you've just had enough. My ex and I were actually planning an epic housewarming party when we got our new house, we wanted everyone we cared about under one roof, celebrating our new home with us. Maybe, it was a little of me wanting to recreate this buzz of excitement when I sent out the invites. But I think more than that, its a need to feel surrounded by people. This isn't a normal feeling for me, but this house just feels so empty. There's no life in it and no memories for me. I think I'm hoping it will make the start of something, either my new life, or at least a calmness that I'm missing right now. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">I lived alone quite happily before my ex. I was quite content in my little place and it felt secure. It was mine and only those I felt closest too were allowed to cross the front door. It felt right at the time to sell up and move in with my ex. It all happened very quickly and most of the furniture was sold along with everything else. I think this is why it's taking so long to settle here, as there isn't much familiar; even my bed and couches are brand new.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">I think deep down I'm craving a need to feel normal. So much has changed in my life the last few weeks and nothing, even going to work, feels right anymore. I think I'm hoping that to bring everyone together might re-ignite something in me. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">To have the people around me that were there before my ex and remind myself they're still there now and close by. These are the people I celebrated my 30th birthday with. That I work each day with. That I hold dear. The house isn't really mine, but it does need warming. I want a stain on the carpet where someone split their red wine. I want to see piles of beer and gin bottles the next morning because people had a jolly good time. I want a stinking hangover, because for once I can let my hair down without a worry that I'm being judged by someone. It's about what I need now and I'm super grateful that my friends and loved ones are here to help with that. They know that I need them to be there right now and they're stepping up like they always do. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white;">I don't suppose it's got anything at all to do with the house. I couldn't really care less. It's not my dream home, it's just somewhere I'm staying with the nosiest neighbours going. This is where I am at the present time and for the time being, it's where I'm staying. But more importantly, I'm here surviving each day. And I think it's that that needs the celebration. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="background-color: white;">I'll let you know how it goes</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="background-color: white;">Love CB xx</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="background-color: white;">Today's Quote: 'Be honest with yourself and do what feels right to you. You are only responsible to live your own life authentically. No one else's.'</span></span><br />
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<br />Clare Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13131147846762298295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3088161996665589965.post-72961532843535900482018-07-20T00:46:00.000-07:002018-07-20T00:46:47.200-07:00Honest Blogging<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So, this wasn't my planned post for today. I'd started a post on Wednesday, basically saying how much I was struggling with life. I have a very hectic life; busy with work, my new blogging world and friends, family and all the usual stuff we have to juggle. Plus I'd been having a few emotional days where I was seriously missing my ex. This meant that I was hugely down in the dumps and was writing all about it.<br />
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However, I've woken up this morning and I'm feeling a bit better. Yes, I've still got deadlines coming out of my ears and my family want a piece of me. If you even mention the ex's name I still want to throw up. BUT, I don't feel like I'm sinking anymore. I'm feeling lighter and like, maybe, just maybe, things are going to be OK. Not overnight, but soon perhaps.<br />
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And this thought brings me back to today's post. The original was fully written and ready to go. But it just didn't feel right, as that's now not what I'm feeling. Having read it back, it kind of sounds quite dramatic, and a few days ago, that's exactly how I felt. But to put it out today kind of seems wrong. Like false advertising or something.<br />
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When I signed up to do this Blog thing, it was meant to be an honest account of how my life is. If that post had gone out 2 days ago, it would have been true, but not today. Today I feel like I can breathe properly for the first time in about 13 days. Things still aren't perfect, I know that and without wanting to sound like a break up bore the ex is on my mind; more so today, as today marks the start of the summer holidays here. The kids break up for six long weeks and as he was a teacher we also had six long weeks of adventures ahead of us. Those things obviously wont happen now and I do sometimes think it's the broken plan's you've made together that are the hardest to get over.<br />
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Planning different posts and the editor having an input is quite hard sometimes, as I really wanted this blog to be an escape for me. But I have a feeling that it's likely to end up having more of a diary feel to it. There's no point in ignoring the fact that I'm dealing with a huge break up in my life and I've no intention of pretending my life is completely perfect. Yes, I'm exceptionally lucky with a lot of things. But I want this to be an honest account of me and my life not some sugar coated conception that Mrs Editor has dreamed up.... Sorry Hun!<br />
My social media accounts are all super honest already. If you follow me on Instagram, you'll see more of my day to day life. And the amount I actually shop.... it's wrong on many levels, but sometimes I just can't help myself.<br />
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So, this is basically me telling you all that, well, if I'm happy you'll get to hear about it. If I'm sad, you'll get to hear about it and if I've bought the most amazing pair of shoes you'll Definitely get to hear about it! I'd like you to get to know the real me and hopefully, in time I can get to know the real you too.<br />
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I hope that's OK.<br />
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Love CB xx<br />
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Today's Quote: 'To be true to yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.'<br />
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<br />Clare Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13131147846762298295noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3088161996665589965.post-69878452457404980842018-07-18T02:05:00.001-07:002018-07-18T02:05:18.318-07:00My Beauty Life Savers<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;"><br /></span>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">What </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">makes me, well, less of a troll...... </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">Basically my first beauty post.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">I believe in female empowerment and being true to yourself. I'm also big on making a good first impression. I also believe you should do what you can to make yourself feel confident enough to face each day. That''s why we spend thousands of pounds each year on beauty and make up brands, because we'e all looking to be the best us we can be. Now, there will be plenty of girls out there that say, we don't have to coat ourselves in all this muck to gain respect or feel good about ourselves; and we know that of course. But, it helps and if it's what we as girls wish to do, then it's all good in my book. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">I wanted to let you in on the things that keep me looking and feeling human each day. Now, we all have our favourite products and go to brands, but these are the things I use without fail and you'd have to bribe me to stop using them. No affiliated links in here or sponsored items. So, you can be assured, each item has been tried and tested to the point where they're actually nearly empty!!</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;"> </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">I make a pretty good living nowadays, but I haven't always, so price point has always been a factor for me. If something does the same job but costs less, I'm there! Like I said, most of these products I've used for a long time, so I'm just putting them out there. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">1. <b>Astral moisturiser</b>: starting off with the item I've used for the longest. Astral moisturiser is my go to daily choice. In fact I've used it since I was 14. It's never changed its formula and my skin hasn't changed in years either. I'm in my early 30's without any wrinkles, so it's obviously doing something right. It's super cheap too! A friend of mine is a well known mua, who gets paid to plug all the new lotions & potions, actually secretly swears by this over the designer things she's paid to promote.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">2. <b>Garnier Skin</b></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;"><b>Active Moisture Bomb Tissue Masks</b>: I've been using these since last October and I tend to use one a week as a bit of a treat. I'm a sunbed user, wear a lot of make up daily and I swim; so these give my skin some extra hydration and a bit of a boost when I'm tired and my eyes are baggy. They do feel slimy when you take them out of the packet, so be prepared. I also leave them on longer than stated on the packet, but I don't suffer with sensitive skin, so I never really worry.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;"> </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">3.</span></span><b style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;"> The Fox Tan: </b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">the newest product I've been using and mainly because I wanted to know what all the hype was about. For the last few years, I've been a spray/fake tan user. But I've such a lack of time and I'm fed up of smelling like biscuits. We're also having the greatest summer weather wise and I really want a true tan. So, because I spend most of my waking hours inside, I've switched back to the sun beds. (Yes, I know all the risks.... please don't lecture me) I'd seen The Fox Tan on social media, and looked at the results, so I thought i'd give it a go. It's given me a great tan in a few sessions on the sunbed and I'll be taking it away with me abroad later this year. There's two parts, and exlixor that you use 5 days prior to sun exposure and an accelerator that you use each time you go out in the sun. to be honest I used both from day one. My skin is moisturised so much so i don't bother with another body moisturiser each day and my an is looking great. It's definitely a keep in the draw product for me. </span></span></span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">4.</span></span><b style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;"> Frizz Ease: </b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">I have the most wild curly hair known to man. I actually love it as I don't tend to need to touch it most days. I shake it when i get out of bed and I'm done. The ease of this does not include washing it! I want to earn enough money that i never have to wash my own hair again... real life goal right there! </span></span></span><br />
This is where frizz ease by John Frieda comes in. My god mother introduced me to the brand in my teens and I've still not found anything that matches up. I use the extra strength serum each wash, with the dream curls spray, which I may use occasionally on dry hair too if it needs it. These are my go to products, but I've also used touch up creams, shampoos and conditioner too; and not found a product I wouldn't use again. <br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">5</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px; font-weight: bold;">. Tangle Teezer: </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">as I said above, my hair can be a bit of a nightmare. It's always been a struggle to get through it with a comb or brush and I do worry about breakage. Enter this little wonder! It just gets through my hair, no pulling, no breakage no stress. I don't know what I'd do without it now, hence the fact I own 4 of them!</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">6.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px; font-weight: bold;"> Collection Primed & Ready </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">Every girl needs a primer and I've used a few. Smashbox used to be a firm favourite but I was given one by Collection a while ago and found it to be just as good. It leaves my skin really smooth and velvety ready for the onslaught of makeup; plus at under a fiver its a certain bargain. Same goes for their setting spray. Ive used Mac's religiously for goodness knows how long, but this does the exact same job, in fact, don't quote me on it, but I think it's better!</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">7</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px; font-weight: bold;">. L' Oreal Paris Infallible Total Cover Foundation: </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">A great foundation as you can build the coverage you want and a little goes a long way. I've been a fan of powdered mineral foundations for years, but my usual one has been discontinued and there seems to be less companies making them now. So i went out of a limb and decided to give this ago. I'm super happy I did as it's just right for me. It covers what I'm unhappy with and yet, lets my skin still feel like it's no caked in foundation. I go thicker if i need too and it doesn't go streaky if I wear it in the gym. It's about £10 a tube, but lasts for ages too.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">8.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px; font-weight: bold;"> Younique Moodstruck Epic Mascara: </span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">GOT TO BE TRIED TO BE BELIEVED!! Ok, so we've all got a friend or acquaintance that seems to be plugging Younique makeup. You know that they post a few times a day and rave about the product. I was totally sceptical until a friend of mine sent me this mascara as a freebie. Blown away. I used an Avon mascara for 10 years as it was the only thing I ever fond that would lengthen And thicken without being a clumpy mess.... enter this bad boy and my mascara dreams have come true! Honestly, if you only ever try one item from this brand, let it be this mascara, I promise you wont regret it. I'm on my 5th one now, and yes, I've had to pay for the rest!!</span></span></span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">9.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px; font-weight: bold;"> Estée Lauder lip glosses:</span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;"> If you're in need of a pop of colour, this is where I turn to. Estee Lauder do great lip glosses with intensive colour, that last. What more do us girls want from a gloss?</span></span></span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><b><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">10</span></b><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px; font-weight: bold;">. St Tropez Instant Tan: </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">Ok, so I know I said that I was fed up with fake tanning, but this is a dressing table draw must have. It's instant, ready to go in 2 minutes flat and doesn't come off on your clothes even if you get a bit warm. It also doesn't smell. I keep it for when I need that extra boost, especially on my legs, as they never seem to tan the same as everywhere else.... why??</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">So ladies, there's my top ten must haves.... let me hear about yours!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12.8px;">Today's Quote: 'People will Stare. Make it worth their while</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12.8px;">Much Love CB xx</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span>Clare Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13131147846762298295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3088161996665589965.post-7436724934635080942018-07-15T04:43:00.000-07:002018-07-15T04:43:40.508-07:00Finding A New Normal<br />
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Subtitle: What do you do when your life turns Upside Down??</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">When life pulls the rug from under you and suddenly you have to deal with so much change, how do you cope? </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">I'm kind of classing this as my first real blog post. I've done the introduction stuff, so now you can learn more about the real me & my life. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">So, we're starting today with a truly honest post that's basically me telling you what's going on in my head right now. Hopefully it makes you go, 'been there.' You might even have some advice to give, comments always welcome. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">I was never really one to make long term plans. Plans go wrong and I didn't like the disappointment. So, until I met my ex, I just lived in the moment and enjoyed the spontaneity. My ex, however, was a planner. And because I loved every bone of him, we planned everything. My life was mapped out for the next 5 years and I was OK with that. But then, out of nowhere, we spilt up. (I'll give you the full story on my break up in a future post, when I'm less likely to cry writing it.)</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">But, what do you do when life as you know it gets blown apart?? Revert to the life you had before?? Or try and build something new?? Each day seems to be a reminder of what we're missing. Because plans were made! I'm still kind of cross about this, as it's all been out of my control and I'm just riding the roller coaster of emotions while trying to keep my head in place and my emotions in check.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">So, due to the break up, I've had to move house, buy a whole lot of new crap because I had nothing but clothes and shoes to my name and figure out, what exactly I'm supposed to do with my free time now I've no boyfriend and plans to fill it. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">I'm not trying to sound dramatic or drum up sympathy, I'm just asking the question. My life before the ex was filled with friends, a hell of a lot of work, family and dates. Is it possible to go back? I kind of feel like a different person than that girl, a little lost in this post break up bafflement I suppose. The general advice is that it takes time, but I don't really want it to take time *stamps feet* I want to be fine now. The other piece of wisdom is to keep busy. but once again, I've always been busy. I had to make time to ensure my relationship stayed healthy and I made sacrifices to put my ex first. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">I really don't want this to turn into a moan fest, so here's what 'practical' solutions I've come up with until I figure out the actual answer to the predicament:</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">* Exercise: this is the thing that just clears my head. I've had trouble sleeping, so it also tires me out so I can sleep for an hour or two more. I've had the benefit of the heart break diet helping me lose over a stone and a half so far, so there's a silver lining in there! Exercise also helps fill in the free time and the early morning time when I tend to stew over everything that's happening.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">* Girls Nights: I cant actually remember the last time pre-break up that I had a girly night out. Sure, we'd do plenty of couples nights and I'd meet friends for lunch or dinner, but true girls nights, with cocktails, fizz and a dirty pizza on the way home; they'd been missing from my schedule. But now they're back and I'm enjoying letting my hair down, plus reconnecting with my friends has been a great blessing. The hangovers, not so much!</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12.8px;">* Shop: When life gets you down, a new pair of heels will lift you up! I've bought some great stuff recently and even fleetingly, its lifted my spirits. I've also planned shopping days with my mum and friends too. so win win.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">* Write A Blog: kind of drastic and not for everyone, but it's great to fill my time, put my thoughts in order and try to make sense of everything. My editor has been wanting me to write an online diary for so long and I've always used the excuse of lack of time. Well, that's out of the window now. I'm also hoping it will allow me to connect with you lovely readers and we can talk sense or complete nonsense to each other in this magical online world of anonymity. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">The rest of the time I'm just allowing myself to feel whatever it is I'm feeling. If that's a happy day when I'm winning at life, then I'm all in. If I'm having an 'Oh I miss him' moment with tears, then so be it. What I'm trying to get at, is that whatever seems normal to you is what is right. When life turns shit you've just got to put your big girls pants on and deal. I'm learning it's OK to still be upset weeks later. it's OK to miss him. It's even OK to be happy some days. As you've probably gathered from my rambling, I haven't discovered a proper answer to the question yet. I've just realised there's no right or wrong and there's no time frame to feeling better. Be You, I'm going to Be Me and hopefully we''ll see that there was a reason why all this happened in the end.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">Today's Quote: 'My darling girl, when are you going to realise that being normal is not necessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage.'</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">Much Love CB x</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;"><br /></span></span></span>Clare Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13131147846762298295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3088161996665589965.post-53120229264939605322018-07-13T00:53:00.000-07:002018-07-13T00:53:55.808-07:00Hello There!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVjHyo8zTwqNkG6E2HRUzfal1HTZPDWcF6qn4JRav2RvzZv24nIuKxPQ1EHTeq5WinccEfjwT1nX55QGLNSceHm7Hq1M6CypoaxYH_r2CZsu73vQZ5s-NcISnZ7bHs86gzHs8EIgPXD0M/s1600/hello.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVjHyo8zTwqNkG6E2HRUzfal1HTZPDWcF6qn4JRav2RvzZv24nIuKxPQ1EHTeq5WinccEfjwT1nX55QGLNSceHm7Hq1M6CypoaxYH_r2CZsu73vQZ5s-NcISnZ7bHs86gzHs8EIgPXD0M/s320/hello.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">Now you've found me, I think I better tell you a little about myself & lets hope we can be friends!</span></span></span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">I'm in my early thirties, northern, recently single with a bonkers family and a small circle of incredible friends. My life has been turned upside down recently, so I'm doing my best to find some normality. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">I started writing as a bit of fun alongside my day job, but it soon turned into something extra & I started writing a few pieces for industry magazines. Now I'm lucky enough to earn a small part of my living through putting my thoughts into words. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">My writing style is chatty, honest, open, with a tendency to over share. So I apologise for any cringey, toe curling future posts. I'm only human!</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">I'm super honest, which gets me into trouble. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I'm the most impulsive person I know. This has been an asset in my career as these intuitive leaps (makes it sound like I've given things some thought *I haven't) have all paid off. Unfortunately, the impulsive nature in other parts of my life has burned my fingers & heart a few times. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">I love to travel, explore new places & I'll happily learn new things if I can. I love a good view and will stand & snap away with my camera. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">My life motto is it's nice to be nice. Why would you want to be anything but?? Life's hard enough as it is, right?? I love a bit of PMA (that's positive mental attitude for those now pulling this face </span><img alt="🤔" class="CToWUd" data-goomoji="1f914" goomoji="1f914" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f914" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px; margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">) and try to apply this to my day...... </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">I'm into fitness, but mainly as I've inherited the fat gene. I've struggled with my weight from birth & have swung from overweight to eating disorder skinny. I'm striving for the perfect body, which I'm starting to learn just means being happy in my own skin. I'm slowing realising there needs to be a balance between eating the pizza and wanting to fit into my jeans.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">I live for a new item in my wardrobe & shopping is true therapy for me. I shop more than I should but the high street is a friend to me! </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">My makeup bag is my biggest life saver and I wouldn't dream of leaving the house without my mask. I trained as a MUA as something extra to do when I was younger, way before it was fashionable and everyone learned about contouring. I have a few beauty secrets I'm willing to share and hero products I can't live without. But I'll try most things if it promises perfection.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">I'm normal.....Well, as normal as anyone is. I work hard, pursue my dreams and try really hard not to piss anyone off! </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">Welcome to my world..... Lets begin!!</span><br />
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find me on Instagram @clarebarnes89 & twitter @NormalGuide<br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">Today's quote: Don't change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">Love CB x</span>Clare Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13131147846762298295noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3088161996665589965.post-2646093026738777662018-07-12T04:56:00.001-07:002018-07-12T05:04:11.607-07:00Welcome To The Normal Girl's Guide To Life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtrHUo4JutpEmGtbrPQNiU0gAc6NIyAkWO2W7IX00O_9J3I0YqknBRFWhHYrm08baqieuAYbxfdLMuGtK2bZW-GpDPIjgj1E7oHRCqRoZfz-5XsxfIgmi_ZMuFvMDCtUtaTW48CFLYi-k/s1600/blog.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtrHUo4JutpEmGtbrPQNiU0gAc6NIyAkWO2W7IX00O_9J3I0YqknBRFWhHYrm08baqieuAYbxfdLMuGtK2bZW-GpDPIjgj1E7oHRCqRoZfz-5XsxfIgmi_ZMuFvMDCtUtaTW48CFLYi-k/s320/blog.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">Well, hello there and welcome to my brand new blog!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">This will be a place for my day to day musing, my trials, tribulations & hopefully triumphs as I do my best to negotiate through the bonkers world that is modern day life for us girls!</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">I'm trying to juggle my career, alongside being a supportive friend & family member, keep fit and be healthy (read struggle with the weight & resist the temptation to order a dominos at every given opportunity) plus dress well, ensure my make up stays in place & don't even mention the dreaded dating scene. Basically, I'm living my best life..... Well, I'm trying!! </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">I'd love to hear from any of you, who might be going through any of the things I am, if you have any advice or just comments in general. I'll be giving you my take on products, places I've visited, workout tips, food and places to eat & probably my opinion on everything and anything that has peeked my interest. I'll more than likely be asking for help and recommendations too! So feel free to drop me a comment! </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">The Normal Girl's Guide To Life is for all of us who are just doing our best but could sometimes use an ear or even just an 'Oh My God' moment in the day. Read my stories, share your own and support one another as we try to live up to the world's & our own expectations. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">Today's quote: 'Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must, but take the step</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">Love CB x</span>Clare Barneshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13131147846762298295noreply@blogger.com1