Dear HEART

A short letter to the Loves of my life as I prepare to move forward.... It's time to let go and say goodbye before I hopefully say Hello to Mr Forever

Dear Mr Teenage Love

We met at school, while hormones we're high and we really knew nothing about love. We managed to survive teenage heartbreak until we were old enough to get through it and we were best friends. I'm blessed that we still are. We experienced every first together and I'm happy that even the hardest of firsts came from you. You supported my dreams even back then, became my protector, made me laugh and taught me some tough lessons. When I look back at our days together, it's with a fondness and a sideways smile that only you can bring to my face.
There's still a place in my heart that wonders 'what if' with us. If you hadn't moved abroad would we have made it? If I hadn't been seeing someone when you returned, would we have got back together? When we met up once more in the dating capacity, it was just like old times. But then you found out the girl you'd briefly been seeing was pregnant and fatherhood beckoned.
It was the right thing that we never continued seeing one another. I'm left with some happy memories of teenage love and glorious starts. You're an incredible father and I'm super proud of the man you've become. You'll hold a piece of my heart forever. Thank you for being my first love.



Dear Mr Older Guy

When we met, I was in complete awe of you. The older guy who seemed to have been there and done it all. Full of life experience and knowledge. What I know now is that you had no idea what was going on, just like the rest of us, but back then I hung on your every word like it was golden. I was obsessed with you and I'm sure that suited you just fine. This young girl that was happy to follow you around. You pursued me first, but I was so flattered that this man, a real man, was interested in me. My dreams of a career didn't suit you though and when the opportunities started rolling in, you weren't happy about being left behind. It took me a while to break free. I worried I'd never meet someone like you again, and thankfully I never did. I went off and made my goals a reality while you grew older and became, well, I've no idea actually. I remember seeing you only a year or two ago, when I returned home for Christmas. I saw you across a bar, I'm pretty sure you never saw me. I don't resemble that young girl anymore, so it's unlikely you'd have recognised me. You had the same eyes, but were slightly balding and less attractive. Right in that moment, I gave thanks that I had the confidence to ignore you when you diminished what I'd hoped to achieve; because here I was living it and reaping the benefits and you were living the same old life.
Thank you showing me your true colours, which in turn taught me to stand up for myself and to pursue the life I wanted. I'm pretty sure that if I'd have listened and stayed, my list of regrets would be longer than ever.



Dear Mr Manipulative

You're the man that destroyed me. The one who broke my heart into a thousand pieces and then came back time and time again, to set the pieces on fire until there was nothing left. We started out having the time of our lives and we had it all. Well, I did, you seemed to take it all and I allowed you to do so. I was so blind to see what you were doing and how much you managed to change me, in ways that took years of therapy to help me return. I've no doubt in my mind that I was in love with you, but as I sit here today, I'm more than positive that you didn't love me.  Sure, you said you did, but those that love you would never treat you so badly. You cheated so many times, and me being the huge mug that I am, took you back. Even when we were living together, things were never right. You were still cheating and still controlling my every move. I just couldn't see it. I'm not sure at the time I wanted to see it. I was in a bubble and thought we were happy. It took me a long time to realise what true happiness is; and this lesson didn't come from you. You created mental torture, a doubtful mind and you stripped my soul of the person I wanted to be. You walked out on me so many times. Then I found out I was pregnant and you did nothing but tell me to get to the clinic. I lost your baby, our baby, my baby, but I'm grateful I never had to bring a child into that world. What we had was hell and I finally realised it one night sat opposite you, having dinner in our favourite restaurant. I vividly remember listening to you as you complained about your job, and your bosses not seeing your true potential. I sat there and it was like an epiphany happened. I realised that not only did I not love you, but I didn't even really like you. I still remember the shock on your face as I got up from the table and told you that I was leaving and that it was best you didn't contact me again. I left you there, to pay the bill, to find your own way home and to start a new life for myself without you in it.
So now, years later, I'm happy this whole torturous time happened. It made me strong, I realised what sort of person I need in my life and the person I want to be. I don't hate you anymore, in fact writing this has been the first time I've even given you a thought in years. There's no feeling left anymore, you're a stranger to me. And that's how I fully intend to keep it.



Dear Mr Not Over His Ex

I met you in a little pub as I waited for my friend to arrive for lunch. My need to be early and her compulsion for lateness worked in my favour, as you were sat there, in the corner, typing away on your laptop. I'd actually spotted you as soon as I walked in. Your brow was creased with concentration and it hit me just how attractive you were. As I stood at the bar, I willed you to look up, but as the minutes passed, you never did. So, I sat down on a stool and waited for my tardy friend. As I'm texting her, giving her a big ticking off for her lateness, I jumped as you spoke to me. Offering to buy me a drink as I waited. Your voice sent shivers down my spine and I'd never met a man who smelt quite as good as you. I flirted, really flirted and we really hit it off. In fact, I was truly gutted my friend arrived when she did. We exchanged numbers and within 24 hours, were on our first date. From there it was date 2, 3, 4 until we'd been dating for months. We laughed, we went on adventures and visited some truly amazing places. You taught me the importance of following your own path, trusting your gut but also slowing down to enjoy it all too. You showed me it was OK to step away from work, that it wasn't going to come crashing down, just because I had a day off. Valuable lessons for a workaholic. You took an interest in my goals whilst following your own. It ended because you realised how much you still loved your ex. It hurt, but to be honest, not as much as I thought it would. I took that as a sign that it wasn't meant to be. I'm glad we got to have the time together that we did. You helped to heal my heart a little and showed me what fun relationships could still be. You and your ex are back together now and expecting a little one. We've managed to create a friendship out of what we had. I'm grateful you're still a part of my life and I value your continued advice, care and support. I can't wait to meet your new arrival too

.


Dear Mr Right

I Still Love You ......


All my love
CB  xx