Subtitle: What do you do when your life turns Upside Down??
When life pulls the rug from under you and suddenly you have to deal with so much change, how do you cope?
I'm kind of classing this as my first real blog post. I've done the introduction stuff, so now you can learn more about the real me & my life.
So, we're starting today with a truly honest post that's basically me telling you what's going on in my head right now. Hopefully it makes you go, 'been there.' You might even have some advice to give, comments always welcome.
I was never really one to make long term plans. Plans go wrong and I didn't like the disappointment. So, until I met my ex, I just lived in the moment and enjoyed the spontaneity. My ex, however, was a planner. And because I loved every bone of him, we planned everything. My life was mapped out for the next 5 years and I was OK with that. But then, out of nowhere, we spilt up. (I'll give you the full story on my break up in a future post, when I'm less likely to cry writing it.)
But, what do you do when life as you know it gets blown apart?? Revert to the life you had before?? Or try and build something new?? Each day seems to be a reminder of what we're missing. Because plans were made! I'm still kind of cross about this, as it's all been out of my control and I'm just riding the roller coaster of emotions while trying to keep my head in place and my emotions in check.
So, due to the break up, I've had to move house, buy a whole lot of new crap because I had nothing but clothes and shoes to my name and figure out, what exactly I'm supposed to do with my free time now I've no boyfriend and plans to fill it.
I'm not trying to sound dramatic or drum up sympathy, I'm just asking the question. My life before the ex was filled with friends, a hell of a lot of work, family and dates. Is it possible to go back? I kind of feel like a different person than that girl, a little lost in this post break up bafflement I suppose. The general advice is that it takes time, but I don't really want it to take time *stamps feet* I want to be fine now. The other piece of wisdom is to keep busy. but once again, I've always been busy. I had to make time to ensure my relationship stayed healthy and I made sacrifices to put my ex first.
I really don't want this to turn into a moan fest, so here's what 'practical' solutions I've come up with until I figure out the actual answer to the predicament:
* Exercise: this is the thing that just clears my head. I've had trouble sleeping, so it also tires me out so I can sleep for an hour or two more. I've had the benefit of the heart break diet helping me lose over a stone and a half so far, so there's a silver lining in there! Exercise also helps fill in the free time and the early morning time when I tend to stew over everything that's happening.
* Girls Nights: I cant actually remember the last time pre-break up that I had a girly night out. Sure, we'd do plenty of couples nights and I'd meet friends for lunch or dinner, but true girls nights, with cocktails, fizz and a dirty pizza on the way home; they'd been missing from my schedule. But now they're back and I'm enjoying letting my hair down, plus reconnecting with my friends has been a great blessing. The hangovers, not so much!
* Shop: When life gets you down, a new pair of heels will lift you up! I've bought some great stuff recently and even fleetingly, its lifted my spirits. I've also planned shopping days with my mum and friends too. so win win.
* Write A Blog: kind of drastic and not for everyone, but it's great to fill my time, put my thoughts in order and try to make sense of everything. My editor has been wanting me to write an online diary for so long and I've always used the excuse of lack of time. Well, that's out of the window now. I'm also hoping it will allow me to connect with you lovely readers and we can talk sense or complete nonsense to each other in this magical online world of anonymity.
The rest of the time I'm just allowing myself to feel whatever it is I'm feeling. If that's a happy day when I'm winning at life, then I'm all in. If I'm having an 'Oh I miss him' moment with tears, then so be it. What I'm trying to get at, is that whatever seems normal to you is what is right. When life turns shit you've just got to put your big girls pants on and deal. I'm learning it's OK to still be upset weeks later. it's OK to miss him. It's even OK to be happy some days. As you've probably gathered from my rambling, I haven't discovered a proper answer to the question yet. I've just realised there's no right or wrong and there's no time frame to feeling better. Be You, I'm going to Be Me and hopefully we''ll see that there was a reason why all this happened in the end.
Today's Quote: 'My darling girl, when are you going to realise that being normal is not necessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage.'
Much Love CB x
No comments:
Post a Comment